Let it rip
Get out of your own way and go
The older I get, the more I learn about what makes me most disappointed. Shit happens, as the saying goes, and quite a lot of it is out of your control. So in paying attention to letdowns or frustrations or things generally just not working out the way I would have wanted, I find it’s the disappointments borne out of an inability to get out of my own way that sting the most. For example, not getting picked by a landlord for a dream apartment stings, but it doesn’t linger the way that backing out of a great opportunity for fear of failure does. Similarly, falling short after pouring your all into a test or presentation or interview feels bad, but the aftermath of lazily treating someone you love poorly feels much worse. Taking the right risks and watching things not pan out sucks. Letting anxiety prevent you from taking any risks at all breeds regret.
I don’t have specific personal examples to analyze here. I’m more propelled to write by a general vibe that says: let it rip. The image at the top of this post contains those words, because for some reason when the phrase “let it rip” came into my head, so did the card Carmy discovers at the end of The Bear season 1. In it, his brother is communicating from beyond the grave, urging his talented, tortured little bro chef to go do what he does best. Now, I do not consider myself a talented, tortured little bro with demons he must overcome to rally a group of misfit cooks toward the upscale reinvention of their shitty Chicago Italian beef shop. However, I do look for any inspiration to self-actualize, especially if (when) I sense that the roadblocks to that heightened state are actually just me getting in my own way.
We live in a society full of gatekeepers, who for many reasons—some justified—hold the keys that would grant entry into a given field of promise. Jobs, relationships, real estate, financial security, bodily safety, you name it: if it falls into the first few levels of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, there are some concrete obstacles to obtaining and maintaining it. I’d like to believe hard work and persistence are all it takes to break through the gate on any given need or want, but I’m not naive enough to buy that narrative, because I understand very well that there are many committed people who work twice as hard as me and in a very material sense have much less to show for it. Exercising perspective here, while harnessing a sense of purpose toward the ultimate fulfillment of my potential, is an important grounding practice. In fact, forgetting to do so often trips me up.
What is the ultimate fulfillment of my potential, or anyone’s, really? Is it some external indicator of success? A Nobel Prize in chemistry if you’re a chemist, election to your nation’s highest office if you’re a politician, an Academy Award if you’re a filmmaker? I don’t think so. Those are incredible achievements, but they last for a moment. More fulfilling than any “peak” moment might just be peaking, as a state of being, in as many moments as possible. A flow mentality, if you will. Letting it rip.
It’s extremely hard to access a flow state, let alone live in it persistently. I’ve read Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s book on optimal experience, but just like the rewards of meditation or talk therapy, the concepts are clear as day and the experience as fleeting as sunset. Most of the time I’m too caught up in my own thoughts, feelings, frustrations, and perceived shortcomings to actively pursue the goals I set for myself without distraction. It turns out that nothing makes me more exhausted than my own mind! I suspect this is true for most people, in part because it’s much easier to see in other people than in myself—and I see it everywhere.
So, again, resisting to narrow things to my own specific desires, I guess I’ll just state that what I hope for myself is a hope I have for us all: the energy and the guts to clear our own path such that we can let it rip. The awareness to know it’s a privilege in many ways to even do so. The fulfillment of our greatest internal calling, which is really just pursuing that calling free of regret.
Okay? Okay. Get after it.
Great monday motivation and representative of how I feel I've been growing lately as a 35 year old and new dad.
Sure, I can get nervous about something, or I can try my best and if it goes great, great. If not, I'm right back on square one, which ain't a bad place to be <3
Thank you for another great, thought provoking and wise post. And apologies for the late comment…I am catching up after a busy December.
Not surprisingly, I love your profound question: What is the ultimate fulfillment of my potential, or anyone’s, really? Frankly I think you nailed the answer (as usual) when you said “… being, in as many moments as possible.”
And I love the “let it rip” advice, if not mantra. I had forgotten about that in The Bear. It’s a more contemporary and active version of what the spiritual teachers tell us: let it be or let it go. And maybe it’s best placed in the triad this way: let it rip, let it be (whatever happens happens) and then, let it go. Repeat and repeat.